Incapability Brown

Just what size of a lawn does Gordon Brown have if he spends £12,000 a year on gardening?

In days gone by when a chap made a social faux pas, you know the sort of thing; wore his fob in the wrong waistcoat pocket, invested the family loot in a dodgy railroad or was caught buggering the under butler, the only recourse to infamy was either an insufferable life in exile amongst Johnny foreigner, or a short stroll into an empty room with a loaded service revolver.

Somehow I fear James Gordon Brown lacks the intestinal fortitude for either action....

Come ahead if you think you're hard enough. You're going to get your fucking head kicked in etcetera

These were the delightful images MSP's, Civil Servants, Members of the Public and the viewing audience of dozens of political anoraks watching on BBC Parliament witnessed yesterday, when Iain Gray 'challenged' First Minister Alex Salmond to a debate on Scotland's future on St Andrew's day.


Mr Gray a former secondary school teacher will quite naturally have seen the two handed 'come ahead' gesture many times in the playground and at some of the more rambunctious square goes, often seen in the wee small hours of Labour party conferences boozing dens and naturally amongst combatants in our national sport of street fighting.I was fortunate enough to be in the Chamber and in the canteen after Iain Gray's finest moment. Heads slumped among the thinking Labour MSP's, the writing is definitely on the wall. Iain Grey will no doubt be challenged between the Glasgow by-election and Christmas.

Who will replace him as Leader Labour in the Scottish Parliament?

The Scotsman gives up the pretence of impartiality and dons the mask of open propaganda.

The above photograph was used on the front page of today's Scotsman, to illustrate a story on the SNP's willingness to freeze pay rises for top civil servants. The photograph serves no other purpose than to ridicule the First Minister, it's very clever, it appealed to my sense of humour, it's the sort of thing you'd expect to see on the pages of Private Eye. Not as the front cover on a National newspaper in a story addressing the effects of Labour's recession.

It served to remind me how little the Scotsman and Labour have moved on since May 2007. In Errol Morris' wonderful documentary 'The Fog of War', Robert McNamara, JFK's Secretary of Defence said that the first lesson in The Fog of War is to “Empathize with your enemy.” McNamara explained further: “We must try to put ourselves inside their skin and look at us through their eyes, just to understand the thoughts that lie behind their decisions and their actions.” Labour and the egotistical imaginations of the Scotsman have failed to learn this simple lesson.

Loving this wee animation.

As spotted on Go Lassie Go.

A clip from Scottish based Czech animator Jana Prchalova's short Mondo.


Find more videos like this on 38minutes

Luftputefartøyet mitt er fullt av ål with a side order of humble pie for Mr Murphy.

Mighty interesting analysis from The Economist on Norway & the latest IMF Estimates of GDP per Capita at PPP (Purchasing Power Parity) for Iceland, Ireland & Norway (2009-14)

To see them in their full and greater detail click on the link here. http://tinyurl.com/ljm7zw

Do note that in 2014 Norway will have a PPP of $58,610.092

Ireland $42,947.457

Iceland $43,127.063

and poor old Blighty including us ungrateful Scots, will have attained a grand total of $38,807.832


Page 52 of the Economist has the following.

"The economy is in good shape. Unemployment, at 3%, is the lowest in Europe.

"Norway has bounced back from the mild recession it suffered in the early months of this year. It is expected to grow by 2% next year.

"The $400 billion wealth fund that holds surplus revenues from North Sea oil and gas exports, turning petrodollars into hoard of stocks and bonds , naturally took a hit in the market slump but is still worth some $85,000 per citizen.

"The Norwegians are a contented bunch. Bergen reveals handsome, well-fed citizens who work in designer offices or high tech fishing vessels, relax in art galleries and theatres and enjoy pristine scenery. Education is free and health care is heavily subsidised."

Now what was that about an Arc of Insolvency?

Extremely interesting suggestion.

This could have some legs to it...

http://targetbrown.blogspot.com/

Doctor David Stark-Raving-Twat

David Starkey, the noted telly-historian, think a-sexual Cumbrian Lily Savage sans wig, and you're not far off the mark, has wheeled out yet another diatribe about 'feeble little Scotland'. Fear not, he's allowed to insult Scotland because he spent piss soaked holidays here as a nipper.

http://www.totalpolitics.com/magazine_detail.php?id=573

Here's the latest diatribe. Keep up the good work Dave, you'll soon be free of this feeble little nation and our parasitic ways...

You also sparked controversy with your remarks on Question Time about Scotland being a "feeble little nation".

It was a joke! The question was did I think the English should treat St George's Day the same way the Scots and all the rest of them treat their saints' days - St Andrew, St Patrick and my answer was no. That would mean we would become a feeble little nation like them and we're showing every sign of doing just that. H.G. Wells has this wonderful phrase - "the English are the only nation without national dress". It is a glory that we don't have such a thing. If you want to be academic about it, there are two completely different patterns of nationalism in the British Isles - the Celtic nationalism of Scotland, Wales, Ireland, which is entirely typical nineteenth century European nationalism, an invention based on folklore, supposed authentic peasant cultures which are entirely fictional, national dress, national music and some goddamn awful national poet like Burns. English nationalism went through that phase under Henry VIII.
But if you do really want me to go back to being abusive - I would say that Scotland's decisions with the Libyan bomber confi rms everything I said about them. If you want to see what happens when a country becomes 'little' - when you have a government that wouldn't make county councillors in England, and a Minister of Justice that is an underemployed solicitor - that's what you get. And I am not anti-Scottish, I love Scotland - my childhood holidays were there - apart from that fact it pissed with rain all the time. But Scotland's greatness took place not in medieval history when it was a catastrophe of a place, but in its long, long association with England and Britain. The transformation of Scotland from this deeply backward Presbyterian horror of the early 17th century - where you still hang a lad in the 1690s for denying the existence of the Devil - to this extraordinary 'Athens of the North' of the Scottish enlightenment, the amazing products of Glasgow University in the 18th century, is when Scotland looks out as part of a greater whole. What's happened of course is that Scotland is now looking in. It has become exactly like medieval Scotland - the clannishness, the introversion, chucking money at the Edinburgh Festival to make it 'more Scottish', that awful Parliament, the dreadful Parliament building. The self-indulgence of the whole thing, the complete sense of in-growing toenail; I mean Edinburgh has turned into a city where you can see its toes growing in.

Nutty Professor.

Normally I've got a wee bit of time for Prof John Curtice, the amiable professor of politics at Strathyclyde Uni. Mostly because he reminds me of Prof Heinz Wolf the part sinister clown - part explainer of things scientificy/black magic that was mostly beyond my childhood ken.


However, amidst this morning's frothing and ranting at the claims of 'opportunism' and 'desperation' at the 'news' that the SNP want to include 16 and 17 year old people in the democratic process by allowing them to vote in the probable referendum. (Despite it being passed at Conference in 2007) Prof Curtice was sought out for his views by the Sunday Mail. Following a carping comment or two from professional gut wrencher Pauline McNeill, this is what we read:

http://www.sundaymail.co.uk/news/scottish-news/2009/09/20/over-16s-set-to-be-allowed-to-vote-in-independence-referendum-78057-21687204/

Elections expert Professor John Curtice, of Strathclyde University, said: "I don't think this will make a difference to the outcome of the planned referendum.

"Support for independence is so far behind the SNP don't have a chance of winning."

"And I don't think many of this age group will turn up to vote."

Now colour me fucked off, but surely the 'neutral' Prof Curtice should have been proffering his academic views on the expansion of democracy, citing the historical and geographical precedents within these very isles where 16 years olds who pay taxes can also vote, rather than playing at crystal ball gazing by determining the result and promoting the lazy kneejerk reaction of teen apathy?

His entire learned view can be summed up thus.

1. It won't make a difference.

2. Ye cannae win

3. Teenagers don't care. Meh.

Now obviously the journo responsible selected these points as those which fitted the biased timbre of his article, but really Prof Curtice you should have known better.

I just hope that from now on when I see Glen Campbell parting your tweeds I can still hear a slightly discordant resonance of the following tune... :(

Megrahi's appeal document. Interesting reading...

http://www.megrahimystory.net/

Gutter press - utter piss.

No doubt tomorrow's Hootsman will have a David Maddox story telling us how FMQ's today, saw Alex Salmond cowed by Iain Gray's magnificent oratory, how John Swinney swooned under the intense intellectual pressure from Angry Kerr and how Jim Mather swallowed a little bit of sick when Jackie the Hutt glared at him.

Naturally, Maddog's interpretation will differ widely from those who were there, those who witnessed it on tv and those who participated. However, fear not David Maddox is on a one man mission to thwart those pesky Nats and preserve the Union for the glory of Gordon Brown and Donald Dewar. At what cost?

Yet with each day the Scottish press lose another reader, another subscriber, another income stream. Advertisers notice, columnists start looking elsewhere, jings we've even had the supposed big boys in Scottish journalism bending over backwards for PR/Marketing jobs with South Lanarkshire cooncil.

This year has truly been the anus gapingus for journos with an unprecedented number taking a sabbatical , redundancy, retirement, career break or heading out into the brave new world of the freelance.

And still their blatts continue to peddle the same old shite, albeit with worse spelling and terrible grammar. Hey that's what happens when you let the night shift managers African sunset haired step-son play at being a proof reader.

It gives me no pleasure to give you a roll call of some of the good and great of Scottish journalism who have fallen by the side this year. Amongst them are some pukka scriveners, people with the great ability to turn strokes on a page into a lifetime of memories. I salute them. If only their editors would grow some balls and report news as it is supposed to be....fair and impartial.

Now is Maddox really better than any of these people?

Thanks to AMS for the list.

Oh don't forget recently departed columnists Rab McNeill, Ewan Morrisson and Hardeep Singh Kohli.

Mike Aitken, former sportswriter, The Scotsman; now "taking a career break until I decide what to do next".
David Belcher, former TV critic, The Herald; now “attempting to write a radio sitcom set in the mythical Ayrshire village of Dumfoonert (it has a newspaper, oddly enough), while also assembling an internet radio soul show for Radio Six International”.
David Bennett, former sub-editor at The Herald; now running a website design and content management company, fuzzylime.co.uk - with former Herald assistant chief sub-editor, Jill Ledgerwood.
Ian Bruce, former defence correspondent, The Herald; now "enjoying an extended sabbatical".
Alison Chiesa, former news reporter, The Herald; now: “Blissfully living the simpler life. Home is now a converted horsebox on an organic farm commune in Norway. Amid spectacular scenery, days are filled driving a tractor, milking cows, keeping bees, resuscitating dying ducklings, etc, etc. Will soon move on to Sweden to help build an artists' retreat centre - and think of new ways to stretch the career break out as long as I can.”
Sandra Colamartino, former editor, Homes & Interiors Scotland; now producing chocolate bars in bespoke, book-like, high-quality wrapping: Chocolate Library.
Bob Dow, former Aberdeen bureau chief, Daily Record; now operating as Bob Dow Media, doing some writing, some media training/PR work and some emergency response work for oil companies in Aberdeen.
Sarah Ferguson, former sub-editor, The Herald; now page editor at The National, in Abu Dhabi.
Philip Gates, former assistant chief sub editor, The Herald; now a part-time freelance sub-editor, part-time house husband, and also retraining in web design and e-commerce.
Bill Henry, former senior photographer, Edinburgh Evening News; now retired, after 19 years with the paper. "Being lazy at the moment but am working on a few projects where I live, in Cumbernauld."
Julia Horton, former Edinburgh-based reporter, The Herald; now travelling, including New Zealand and South America (where she is currently, learning Spanish).
Michael Howie, former home affairs correspondent, The Scotsman; about to learn Spanish in Madrid, before heading to Central and South America to travel and freelance.
Allan Laing, former reporter/feature writer/columnist/travel editor/assistant news editor, The Herald; now running his own business, All In a Day's Work, specialising in journalism, TV research and investigation, media training and fast-response PR projects. Plus annual reports, company brochures and speeches. Visit www.allinaworkingday.co.uk
Jill Ledgerwood, former assistant chief sub-editor at The Herald; now running a website design and content management company, fuzzylime.co.uk - with former Herald sub-editor, David Bennett.
David Lee, former senior assistant editor, The Scotsman; now a freelance media consultant.
Ross Lydall, former political editor, The Scotsman; now freelancing, the Evening Standard.
Hamish Macdonell, former Scottish political editor, The Scotsman; now freelance political commentator.
Bill Mackintosh, former head of news, Sunday Herald; now freelancing, concentrating on writing about whisky for a number of magazines, and helping one whisky group with its internal communications.
Donald MacLeod, former chief photographer, The Scotsman/Scotland on Sunday; now a news and features freelancer.
Alistair McArthur, former deputy editor, Scottish Business Insider; now freelancing.
Peter John Meiklem, former media and business correspondent, the Sunday Herald; now "writing a whodunit set on the Moroccan tourist trail and getting ready for a year teaching English in Argentina".
Simon Murphy, former senior photographer, The Herald Magazine; now set up as a freelancer, www.simonmurphyphotographer.com, working as a commercial and editorial photographer,
signed with camerapress agency, and waiting on the imminent arrival of his first child.
Stephen Penman, former deputy editor, Sunday Herald; now head of corporate communications and marketing, North Lanarkshire Council.
Alan Rennie, former editor, Stirling Observer; now, after 26 years as editor and taking retirement, about to begin work, as 'project delivery officer', for the local, Going Carbon Neutral team.
Jonathan Rennie, former business editor, Evening Times, and senior writer across The Herald and Times Group; now senior account manager, Weber Shandwick.
Graeme Smith, former north-east reporter, The Herald; now operating as Graeme Smith Media, a freelance writer specialising in the energy industry but also involved in emergency response work, training and PR-related work.
Stuart Sommerville, former sub-editor, The Scotsman; now freelance editor and writer, and "taking orders from" baby Isabella.
Caroline Stewart, former sub editor and gardens writer, The Scotsman; now, thanks to a voluntary redundancy package and "after 12 years hogging the 5pm-1am shift, decided to give others a chance and am now enjoying a new shift starting at 7am looking after baby, Isabella".
Laura Sutherland, former showbiz reporter, Daily Record; now, account executive at Edinburgh PR agency, Holyrood Partnership.
Richard Wilson, former sports and Ecosse writer, Sunday Times Scotland; now writing a book, for Canongate, on the Old Firm, and working regularly, as a freelance sports writer, for the Independent on Sunday and the Sunday Herald.
John Young, former group multimedia editor, Herald & Times Group; now running YoungMedia.co.uk, specialising in corporate and PR photography and multimedia.

Roaming in the gloaming...

In race to bottom of cringe bucket Harris Tweed Hebrides win race.

This morning's story of Harris Tweed Hebrides 'de-Scottishifying' themselves was either an evil genius stroke of marketing or a deliberate attempt to disembowel Scotland with a grovelling attempt to distance themselves from the Megrahi decision and the now overwhelming number of people who support Kenny MacAskill's decision to release Megrahi to die with his family. If latest reports are true it sounds as if Megrahi has got days rather than the year, that the Labour party and their friends in the Scottish media have been pedalling.

However, I digress, as usual, what annoyed me most about this story other than the lets drop our Tweed breeks bend over and see how much girth we can take from the right wing redneck nut jobs of America was the people involved.

Notably devout anti-devolutionist and former Labour Energy Minister Brian Wilson chairman and majority shareholder of Harris Tweed Hebrides Ltd, Alasdair Morrison former Labour MSP for Eilean Siar, current chairman of MG Alba and director of Harris Tweed Hebrides Ltd, whilst the creative director and professional pretty boy model Mark Hogarth is the fashionista who made the decision to deny their Scottish links was previously employed in London as Brian Wilson's parliamentary assistant.

Such a cozy coterie of lizards...


Mr Hogarth's decision it appears is at odds with his deliberations on Facebook, where he is said to have flipped and flopped about on the Megrahi decision siding with the dribbling mentalism of Labour one moment then agreeing with facebook friends that really Labour are wrong and Scotland has grown up with this decision...


One wonders what the weavers of Lewis and Harris think?

Unionists. Low self esteem? Fear of Independence? Afraid of standing up on your own two feet?

Iain Quagmire Gray.

Who is this man?

Thou treachorous Bachi Bazoukes, girning Anacalouthes, peddlars of lies and false dawns. A curse on your flaccid cocks.

O Lord my God, that glib tongued Aitken,

Who's very heart and flesh are quaking,

To think how Brown sat, sweating, shaking,

And pissed wi dread,

While Gray wi hinging lip gaed sneaking,

And hid his head.

Broon says "Scottish Government". Has hell frozen over?

Will his script writer be removed to a gulag on Tristan de Cunha?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/8233846.stm

J'Accuse

On reading today's Scotsman, I couldn't help but let out a sigh of sheer ennui, when I read their latest biased reporting on the SNP Government.

"SNP ACCUSED OF DRINK CRACKDOWN...BY STEALTH!"

The headline had me envisioning a crack team of Ninja's swooping into bars, supermarkets and off-licenses and stealthily removing drinks from gaping maws.

Naturally, this is just more bollocks from the Unionist friendly Johnson Press who let no opportunity pass without first using their modus operandi of attacking the SNP Government and its members.

I embarked on stealth google using the exact phrase "SNP Accused" this returned a rather even numbered 11,000 hits.


I added the word 'Scotsman' to the search. This returned 6,780 hits.


Further filtering using the word 'Labour' produced 5,270 instances.

It occurs to me that when you overuse a word or a phrase it becomes devalued, often meandering over to the world of satire, e.g, 'won't somebody think of the children?'. Admirable sentiments, but used to the point of cliché the meaning becomes redundant.

I imagine when the voters of Scotland hear Iain Gray, saying things like, "If I was First Minister..."
This would be the general reaction.

As played in France every July 14th...

Mary doll dumped by Sunday Mail.

It appears that the Sunday Mail, have thrown off the last vestiges of objective journalism and dropped their sole Independence supporting columnist Elaine C Smith.

According to the Scottish Independence Convention Ms Smith, the convenor, has discovered that her pro-independence opinions are no longer welcome. The last column she submitted, supporting Justice Secretary Kenny MacAskill's decision to release El-Megrahi on compassionate grounds was pulled at the very last minute.

Bruce Waddell.

If you feel that the grand poobah, Bruce Waddell, the editor in chief has erred in this decision, by all means demonstrate your ire by writing to mailbox@sundaymail.co.uk or for the more voluble please call 0141 309 3000.