Looks Tory, smells Tory, what lies beneath?

Look at the passion in that feller's face...

Sooo according to this mornings Sunday Times, our newly friendly hugs and kisses Tory Party are considering a re-brand of their vile loathsome former selves, in order to appeal to those who think Scottish Tories are really quite fluffy and cuddlesome. Given the baggage of Thatcher, mass unemployment, poll tax, a pre-election convenient war..sorry that should read 'conflict', social deprivation etcetera I imagine most activists will be panting like a priest at a school pantomime. How do they get this supposed abandoning of the London Party over on the doorstep, without being seen as advocating Independence?

So where do you stand on the minimum booze price now Ms Goldie?


I suppose now that they've finally decided that after being humped at the ballot box for the third time, in which they've been represented by a porcine former furniture salesman and a chap apparently known to his intimates as Fluffy, that the end of the road has been well and truly met.

Holding his breath between elections...


All that remains is for them to find a name that fits in with small 'C' conservatism and a slavish devotion to all that emanates from London that they can slap a bit of tartan on. I'm thinking the Tartan Twunts. All other suggestions welcomed.

Tartan Twunts on a piss up.


However, one question remains. In the battle for supremacy in this axis of couthyness who will emerge victorious, Annabel Goldie, the ma Broon of her generation, David Mundell, the man who thinks the Holyrood Tories are clueless or the parties Scottish Chairman, the former Washington based spook Andrew Fulton who was forced to stand down after his MI6 connections were revealed when he was the deputy director of the Lockerbie Trial Briefing Unit?

In order to pull the wool over the Scottish electorates eyes successfully, might I suggest that the Scottish Conservatives do something more than changing your name and plopping on a 'see you Jimmy' ginger bunnet on one of your ugly young activists.

Perhaps dropping plans for the farcical Calman Commission and sensibly, like many of the more pleasant Tories of my acquaint (yes there are some) who quietly agree that full fiscal autonomy is the way to wean Scotland from the public purse teat, might be a more sensible approach to the new politics...




However, at the end of the cliché I would warrant this, if you want to know what kind of Scot your more rabid Tory is, simply have a keek under his kilt. You wont be surprised.

Except for viewers in the South of Scotland...Exclusive!

Yet again Tyne Tees - Border TV, the Newcastle based ITV broadcaster have gone awry in their political obligations to the 250,000 plus viewers living in Dumfries & Galloway, Borders and parts of Ayrshire, by NOT playing the SNP party political broadcast tomorrow night prior to the party leaders debate. Viewers outside the South of Scotland can see Alex Salmond say what he might have said if here were allowed to participate on BBC1 Scotland, BBC2 Scotland, STV, Channel 4 and Channel 5.

This isn't the first time the quarter of a million people in the South of Scotland have been left in the dark. Last year before the European elections Border hadn't scheduled the SNP Party Political Broadcast preferring instead to offer their viewers a party political broadcast from those not terribly well known in Auld Scotia, right wing nut jobs UKIP. 

Complaints were made from my Dumfries office, councillors who had been out knocking doors and stuffing envelopes through doors campaigning were justifiably miffed, messages were sent up the line to the high heid yins at the SNP bunker in Edinburgh. Calls were reluctantly made and the situation was rectified. The broadcast was played and the SNP finished an admirable second to the Tories, but absolutely trouncing Labour and the Lib Dems.

Naturally this isn't just the fault of Border TV, who have been forced to merge with Tyne Tees after Michael Grade foresaw an opportunity to squeeze a few extra pennies out of the pension fund by sacking staff and closing down the Carlisle operation, giving the South of Scotland a five minute opt out on 'Lookaround' where viewers can enjoy learning all about young lassies doing Irish dancing in Whitby... Nope, in many ways the folk that must share the blame for this apathy to the South of Scotland are the upper echelons of the SNP, particularly the team that negotiated these PPB's to be scheduled prior to the leaders debate. How soon before the party realise that Scotland doesn't end somewhere south of Motherwell on the M74?

At the same time as Salmond offers viewers outside the South of Scotland an alternative politics to the "Metropolitan machine" his party are guilty of 'kowtowing' (thanks to Hamish) to the Central belt and ignoring peripheral Scotland.

Not that Labour, the Tories or the Lib Dems are blameless. They've never thought to complain about the paucity of news coverage this area gets, it suits their political agenda just fine and dandy to ignore the question of Scottish self determination.


If as expected we say goodbye to Comrade Brown and his relentless dithering after the General Election and welcome in the shiny forehead of David 'Dave' Cameron and his desire to respect Scotland, the first thing he can do to show that respect is to legislate the devolution of broadcasting to Scotland, so that a nation of five million doesn't remain dependent on London or Newcastle for our cultural and political views.