Well, since a plethora of professional pontificators are about to tell us who's going to win Glasgow North East, I thought I'd join in and gaze longingly into the orbs above and predict the winner and losers.
But first, some statistics about the constituency.
School leavers with no qualifications - 300 per cent higher than the Scottish average.
Teenage pregnancies – 60 per cent higher
Deaths from lung cancer – 94 per cent higher
Heart disease – 40 per cent higher
Folk on income support – 130 per cent higher than the national average
Unemployment rate – 140 per cent higher.
So, the man or woman who is going to tackle this problem has a mighty task on their hands. He/she will be a skilled negotiator, only in politics to help people, adept at fighting crises after crises, capable of turning teen pregnancy statistics into chaste kisses behind smart bus shelters, able to educate an underclass and produce a workforce, fit and raring to face the challenge ahead.
Through the mists of time, my swirly globe rumbles and grumbles, images appear fleetingly.
Until
There it is, a figure emerges through the fog and darkness, shuffling towards the light of a cash machine. He's wearing some sort of bling and what looks like a dead animal thrown across his shoulders.
A surprise victory?
Not really, after all he entered the House of Commons exactly thirty years ago, and has become the foremost practitioner of filling his boots.
Why these past nine years since he replaced the estimable Labour MP Betty Boothroyd have found him as happy as a pig in ozone friendly shit. He's grabbed, grasped and empire built, his constituents have died, become addicted, been incarcerated, lived through dire poverty and ignorance. All hail the pig swiller extraordinaire who got off with it.
Oh and the wee boy who lives with his mum and dad, but doesn't, will be the next Glasgow North East MP.
As effective as the last Labour monkey to wear the red rosette, he might have to make do with talking to mum and dad every night on the tellybone, when he 'moves' to ThatLondon, although I suspect he might be back home for good next summer.
He has to win the crystal ball has spoken. His party are defending a majority of over 10,000 votes, they've added thousands of postal votes, their friends dominate just about every newspaper and media outlet in Scotland and they've got Sir Awex Ferguson on their side, how could they not win?
The losers? The people of Glasgow North East and Scotland.
School leavers with no qualifications - 300 per cent higher than the Scottish average.
Teenage pregnancies – 60 per cent higher
Deaths from lung cancer – 94 per cent higher
Heart disease – 40 per cent higher
Folk on income support – 130 per cent higher than the national average
Unemployment rate – 140 per cent higher.
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13 comments:
Gazing longing at the orbs above, ahem.... Too many naked ladies gratuitously adorning your blog Mr Montague. You are clearly a man distracted by more than chaste kisses behind bus shelters...
I want to weep for thae poor down-trodden folk in Springburn.
Only problem is that they do it to themselves. And chances are they'll do it again on Thursday, and nothing will change.
Ye cannae tell some folk.
I've been trying to think who wee Willie looks like for ages, went onto Rab's blog and it came to me: Andra in Rab C Nesbitt, but without the charisma.
Ahem, Ms Lassie Go, I think you'll discover on closer inspection of the illustration of the err hot fairy above, that in fact several globes abound. However, madame you have a fair point, from now on I shall adorn the blawg with suitable portraits of topless men. Why in fact I have one of Conan the Librarian just below...
http://tinyurl.com/y94cayf
Sophia, sadly waiting another 74 years to remind them isn't an option.
Conan, I prefer to think of him as a somewhat shorter Wee Burnie, sans headband.
I see that the Daily Record have stopped the reader comments on all their 'stories'. The Scotsman have pulled reader comments on most of their stories.
Is this just in the lead up to the by election? Or has someone decided that Scots should not be allowed 'good places' to put forward alternate points of view and often the truth and facts that are behind the reports. The entire Scottish media is disingenuous, misleading and not trust worthy. The reader comments are often the best way to get links to evidence and the 'real' story.
Rob
Quite agree Rob. The myth that the cybernats shut down the Herald site last year has been allowed to pass over into the realm of fact. A quick perusal of the Hootsman, shows that Unionista supporters are hugely outnumbered, only a few sneering diehards continue to pump away at the propaganda. There's at least a dozen bloggers on here who took it up because they were so pissed off at the draconian moderation. set up a blog yourself, the more the merrier.
That would be a hilarious post Monty, if the awful facts in it weren't true.
You're right. They'll vote Labour; they always do. They'll get what they deserve.
What can you do?
I entirely agree with Go Lassie Go, far too much sexism on this here blawg.
Please, please, can I ask you to post pictures of only virile YOUNG men Monty or I promise, I'll send you one of me.;)
Here's a few lovely photos of Glasgow NE:
http://www.scottishreview.net/IMcLeod166.html
So I'm a virile *old* man then subrosa...
Hoi Monty, anymore of that and I will bounce ma napper of your coupon, naws wit urs means like?
Hey Conan, yer no old, yer just hairy!!
Okay to win over the Glasgow North East voters just give them vouchers for Fried Mars bars and free trips to the dole office becouse clearly that is what they want if Bain does indeed win.
Jesus Christ Murkin, that picture of the bird holding the goldfish bowl has me very aroused.
If summit would take they stupid wings of her then I would be in her like one of they cruise missiles delivering mya payload.. Does yooos kens wit urs means?
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