Magnus Gardham, "Everything is just fine."

Every time we switch on our TVs, our radios, open a paper or  go online, there they are - the words of the dreaded 'Government spokesman' with his sanitised, freshly spun take on whatever story might have a deletrious effect on the continuing dominance of their ruling party employers. 

Currently we've got Musa Ibrahim, the rapidly balding hipster with a soul patch and German missus, who's been bigging it up for Gaddafi and his posse, under the guise of Minister for Information.

Before that we had the legendary Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf or as we knew him 'Comical Ali with his splendid catch phrase "everything is just fine". In his favour he said they didn't have WMD's. Score one to  Mr al-Sahhaf.

 Only Italy under Berlusconi attempted to redress this woeful gender imbalance and introduced bonny lass and topless model Marfa Carfagna.

 Here she is in her younger days as a spokeswoman for Tropicana sun tan oil or window blinds or jewelry, maybe.

In the UK, under Labour we had such odious bastards as Alistair Campbell 

and John McTernan

Now what do these people all have in common? Yep, that's right they're all journalists, oh except for Miss Carfagna, she's got a law degree.


The thing is these guys are all rank amateurs, that is compared to the genius that is the mighty Magnus Gardham. 

Campbell may have sexed up a document that led to the deaths of countless victims. McTernan has been accused of twisting the words of official minutes into a cock and bull story about the SNP willing to dump Megrahi to avoid paying crims compensation for swilling out jobby pails whilst residing in the pokey. Ibrahim probably has a gun at his families head to keep him spouting the increasingly ludicrous utterances from the glorious brother. Comical Ali we know faced a likely garroting from Saddam's henchmen. Miss Carfagna, well she''s gone on to become a Minister for Equal Opportunities, runs her own blog and after recent revelations is rapidly becoming known as Italy's version of errr 'Deep Throat', I refer of course to the name given to Watergate whistleblower William Mark Felt and not the early 70's porntastic skin flick... ahem, all of which pales into incalculable insignificance with Magnus Gardham's attempt to portray Iain Gray and the poor Labour Party in Scotland as having 'hardly any supportive voices in the media.'


Ok, he's not quite had a power shower in innocent victims blood, or gargled manjuice to make his way to the desk of Daily Record Political Editor, at least I don't think he has,  but  even Bill O'Reilly, the voice of Fair and Balanced Fox News, couldn't begin to spin this crock of shit as the truth without sprouting an apple on the end of his nose.

Magnus in his one man campaign to redress the imbalance back to a world of unchecked favourable reporting of Scottish Labour's glorious attributes, or fluffing as I believe they call it in Miss Carfagna's former industry, is to be credited for his derring do and strict adehrence to the world of Labour fantasy politics. With a bit of imagination one can almost visualise him swinging from building to building through the night skies in Jackie Baillie's spiderman suit, smiting nationalists with the mighty web sling of Labour truth!

  
Today's classic piece of spin is an amazing story constructed from the Scotland on Sunday poll that blithely ignores the results which put the SNP ahead of Labour in Scotland in both constituency and regional voting intentions and instead focuses on some classic scaremongering,  where he quotes that Titan of Scottish legal affairs, Richard Baker in his assertion that Salmond and the SNP are soft on crime. 

Today's article asks the reader to believe that Scotland's criminals are so pleased with the SNP manifesto and their plans to replace sentences of less than six months with community punishements as recommended by former LABOUR first minister Henry McLeish, that they've got out the bunting, booked a band and are about commence with a bout of synchronised cheering...open your window, you'll hear them all rattling their tin cups against their window bars or perhaps see them climbing onto their prison roofs with banners proclaiming Salmond to be the one true saviour for getting them out of the pokey a wee bit earlier and making them clear snow or pick up other peoples rubbish...

I'll confess, Magnus has become my dirty little secret. I can't wait for each new day to bring forth his amazing reinterpretation of the news and views. For skewering reality, he's at the top of the tree, all other pro-Unionist reporters could take lessons in turning the unpalatable reality of a confident, strong well supported SNP into the magical realism of Labour press release mentalism.  Go spidey go.