Well, since a plethora of professional pontificators are about to tell us who's going to win Glasgow North East, I thought I'd join in and gaze longingly into the orbs above and predict the winner and losers.
But first, some statistics about the constituency.
School leavers with no qualifications - 300 per cent higher than the Scottish average.
Teenage pregnancies – 60 per cent higher
Deaths from lung cancer – 94 per cent higher
Heart disease – 40 per cent higher
Folk on income support – 130 per cent higher than the national average
Unemployment rate – 140 per cent higher.
So, the man or woman who is going to tackle this problem has a mighty task on their hands. He/she will be a skilled negotiator, only in politics to help people, adept at fighting crises after crises, capable of turning teen pregnancy statistics into chaste kisses behind smart bus shelters, able to educate an underclass and produce a workforce, fit and raring to face the challenge ahead.
Through the mists of time, my swirly globe rumbles and grumbles, images appear fleetingly.
Until
There it is, a figure emerges through the fog and darkness, shuffling towards the light of a cash machine. He's wearing some sort of bling and what looks like a dead animal thrown across his shoulders.
A surprise victory?
Not really, after all he entered the House of Commons exactly thirty years ago, and has become the foremost practitioner of filling his boots.
Why these past nine years since he replaced the estimable Labour MP Betty Boothroyd have found him as happy as a pig in ozone friendly shit. He's grabbed, grasped and empire built, his constituents have died, become addicted, been incarcerated, lived through dire poverty and ignorance. All hail the pig swiller extraordinaire who got off with it.
Oh and the wee boy who lives with his mum and dad, but doesn't, will be the next Glasgow North East MP.
As effective as the last Labour monkey to wear the red rosette, he might have to make do with talking to mum and dad every night on the tellybone, when he 'moves' to ThatLondon, although I suspect he might be back home for good next summer.
He has to win the crystal ball has spoken. His party are defending a majority of over 10,000 votes, they've added thousands of postal votes, their friends dominate just about every newspaper and media outlet in Scotland and they've got Sir Awex Ferguson on their side, how could they not win?
The losers? The people of Glasgow North East and Scotland.
School leavers with no qualifications - 300 per cent higher than the Scottish average.
Teenage pregnancies – 60 per cent higher
Deaths from lung cancer – 94 per cent higher
Heart disease – 40 per cent higher
Folk on income support – 130 per cent higher than the national average
Unemployment rate – 140 per cent higher.
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