Living your days in a better nation.

One of the most compelling images conjured up by the revolution in Egypt over the past few days came to me courtesy of an Al Jazeeri reporter on Friday evening who informed his audience, in the wake of Vice President Suleiman's statement that Mubarak had 'waived the presidency', that the news anchors on Egyptian state TV were to be seen smiling broadly. For some reason I found this quite an emotional concept and came gie near wibbly as a result. It's been an emotional rollercoaster watching human dignity stand so steadfast in the face of brutal oppression. Only someone with a heart of flint would fail to be moved by the Channel 4 news interview Jon Snow did with Egyptian human rights activist Dr Hossam Abdalla and his Glasgow born son Khalid Abdalla, the actor from such films as the Kite Runner and Green Zone, who was with the crowd in Tahrir Square.

Therefore, it was interesting to read this morning that one of the first effects, following the collapse of Mubarak, is that State Television and pro-government media have about faced as fast as a Labour MP totalling their expenses column. According to an article on Al Arabiya's website 'State TV and pro-Mubarak newspapers portrayed the hundreds of thousands of protesters as a minority of troublemakers. While raucous protests raged in downtown Cairo, state-run Al-Nil TV showed serene videos of the Nile River.' 

It's rather telling that on the Thursday, 24 hours before the actual day of departure, journalists at the pro-government al-Ahram newspaper, possibly sniffing the fresh air of change, demanded the sacking of their editor and the publishing of a front page apology for their 'unethical coverage'.

All of this got me to thinking about pro-government newspaper mouth pieces and state controlled radio and television and how lucky we are in Scotland to be living in such a free and democratic place, where our media are unfettered from the terrible pressures of oppressive and indulgent forces and report everything fairly with a straight bat. 

Then I sobered up.

No matter which way you look at it, depending on the vagaries of poll results, at the very least one-quarter  to one-third of people living in Scotland believe Scotland should be Independent. Yet this swathe of the electorate are ignored by our state broadcaster and pro-Union mouth-piece media and newspapers. Opponents of Independence have had decades to build up a culture of Union dependence within these vast organisations. Others have pointed out where political allegiances lie in newsrooms across the country, where personal relationships are dismissed as mere tittle tattle. Yet, personally I know of a great number of media people, who are keen on the idea of this illusionary better nation. In a previous career I was the director of a peripatetic film and television festival that drew media practitioners from the 'Celtic' countries to Scotland where they could embrace and celebrate their individuality and differences. Friendships made at the festival still survive some 12 years on, many privately agree with what myself and other Scottish blawgers say about the inherent Labour bias in our media. At least one, senior executive is troubled by the bias his organisation projects on news. Yet, the status quo continues. This week has seen Iain Gray go into hiding, the gray pimpernel is nowhere to be found, obviously our unbiased journalists have looked everywhere to ask him the simple question of, when he was first made aware that Labour in London were 'actively facilitating' the return of el-Megrahi to Libya? 

Only one journalist found him, the Observers Kevin McKenna, who must surely buy his mouthwash in bulk, has penned the most ridiculous hagiography since the publication of 'Mugabe: My Misunderstood Years.' If you can bare the indignity of a professional journalist becoming a porn fluffer then read on.  

Personally, I'm looking for more than Jackie Bird dropping her folksy-grinning-everything's-alright-go-back-to-sleep routine and go into a prophetic Howard Beale rant-a-thon as in 'Network'.

 

I've been leaking for 27 years, I know how it's done. I leaked!

Alongside many other twitter followers of the estimable Bella Caldonia I chuckled when he challenged Londoner John McTernan, that as McTernan's waffle hadn't been accepted by the Herald, he could always rely on The Scotsman to spout out his unchallenged briefings. 

 The naive wee soul that I am pondered for a second and thought, in any true democracy a national paper wouldn't really swallow hook line and sinker a story promoted by a right wing nut job blogger fed to him by a Labour mouth piece.

So imagine my surprise, feigned or otherwise, when I read on Newsnet this morning that McTernan did in fact have an article in todays Scotsman giving him the opportunity to regurgitate his story that claims Kenny MacAskill was angling for a 'deal' that would include Megrahi in the planned Blair, Prisoner Transfer Agreement with Libya as long as there was a timebar put on the ECHR ruling on slopping out compensation and a transfer on air rifle controls to the Scottish Government. I've always believed that the Tartan Overlord and crew are canny operators, but does anyone truly believe they'd get into bed with Labour for the price of legislation of BB guns and paying prisoners compensation for shiting in a bucket?

A brief visit to the Hootsman discovered that McTernan's piece was there, but no comments allowed and the content firmly hidden behind their ever popular and really profitable paywall... So, as a chap who has vowed never to buy a copy of the Scotsman or Scotland on Sunday, even for cat puke mopping up purposes, I decided to take a wee photo of it with my super duper iPhone. 

McTernan, doesn't just get a wee sidebar column, he gets a whole page, with which to repeat his frankly dribbling assertions on a conversation he wasn't privvy too. But hey nevermind, it's the Hootsman, they'll print any old shoite as long as it bashes the SNP.

A wee analysis of the above article reveals propaganda worthy of the finest exponents of that dark art.  For unprecedented levels of obfuscation, I take my metaphorical bunnet off to the man.

For example:

" It's now clear there was no 'Deal in the Desert' - no trade of oil for convict."  

Say whaaaaaat?


" My name is being banded about on the blogosphere in relation to this story because someone leaked an email of mine from 2007 to Guido Fawkes."

I get it a political enemy, unbeknownst to you, held on to a long forgotten memo full of half baked conjecture and inconsistancies, that you sent to Mark Davies and Tom Greatrex from your official governement email address. Why sir, I would be outraged at such flagrant abuse of your communications, an inquiry must be established forthwith to discover which villain, Davies or Greatrex, forwarded your email to the arch Tory Fawkes. 

How about this spectacular display of a lack of medical knowledge?


"  I will never tire of asking why a man who had three months to live is still alive - not I think the quality of the Libyan health service." 

Ok, here's my stab at explaining it. I'm informed by an oncologist chum that when Megrahi's hormone treatment failed, he chose not to undergo, the painful and invasive bouts of chemotherapy or radiation treatment associated with pancreatic cancer. Mr McTernan, put your feet in his size nines for a few minutes. You're diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, your first treatment which sometimes works, failed, your thousands of miles from home and family, your appeal is being strenuously fought by the Scottish and British legal establishment. There's nobody to sit with you and hold your hand as chemicals are pumped into your veins for hours on end. The possibility of getting out of jail, back to your family is remote, so you opt to stop treatment and die as fast as you can. Not an uncommon occurence I'm told. Naturally on return to Libya, his family and friends persuade him to undergo chemotherapy treatment, where the Libyan governement are only too happy to spend a fortune in bringing in experts to administer care. The result no cure, but certainly a prolonged life. Or do you really believe he's only pretending to have cancer?

Then there's this spectacular imagined conversation that get's its very own quotation marks, signifying it was actually said by someone, rather than imagined by a furiously back peddling spinner...

"  You give us what we want and we'll give you Megrahi."

This quote is attributed to the catch all 'Nationalists'.

As if that wasn't bad enough, blow me and call me Uncle Fifi if the Hootsman didn't go and make it their top editorial too.

As Mr McTernan obviously trawls the 'blogosphere' I'd love it if he could answer this conspiracy theorists question. Jack Straw, in his letter of December 13th 2007, to then Secretary for the State of Scotland, your boss Des Browne, states the following.

Quote:

"  I am also happy to speak to Wendy Alexander if you think that would be helpful."

Mr Browne, in his reply of the 19th does not answer the Wendy question, is it safe to presume that either Mr Browne or yourself told Ms Alexander of the London Government's desire to facilitate Megrahi's release?

Overall, what a smashing display of the overt use of propaganda. You'll note that there's not one mention in the whole article of whether Iain Gray or Richard 'the boy who looks as if he chews with his mouth open' Baker, knew about Blair and Brown's determination to facilitate Megrahi's return to Libya. 

One final comment, Pat Baskerville, Head of Offender Policy and Rights Unit sent the following note to Jack Straw on the 7th of December.
" There does not seem to be any direct gain to Scotland from the contracts (although BP provides at least 2,000 jobs in Scotland) and a further public disagreement over the terms of the PTA could allow Alex Salmond to take the moral high ground."
Two points, if there was no deal in the desert and a BP oil contract had nothing to do with the PTA, why does Ms Baskerville mention them, specifically in a Scottish context?

 Finally isn't it the case that the last thing the Labour Government wanted to do was hand the 'moral high ground' to Alex Salmond and the SNP? Answers on a leaked email to madasahatstand@labour.org.uk

The cameramen are laughing.

Curses, I couldn't keep away for long! I did start on this yesterday morning, but life and events took over,  and it's been interesting watching the play unravel over the day. There are so many aspects to the Megrahi story that it occurs to me that Scottish journalism has never been in greater need of a John Pilger or Paul Foot to cut through all the crap that the vested interests have forced down the Scottish public since the clipper, 'Maid of the Seas' blew up over Lockerbie.

Yesterday morning, thanks to the unfortunate incidence of following a twitter link, I ended up slopping my way waist deep through the human waste that passes for comment and debate on that bloke Guido's blog, wherein he shares the 'smoking gun' of Londoner John McTernan's email that 'conclusively proves, once and for all', that the Tartan Overlord considered bending over to release Megrahi, for the knock down price of airgun legislation and some compensation over the prisoners slopping out farrago. So far, so smoking gun-ish...but wait a cotton pickin' minute, why would this email suddenly become available now, why would Mr McTernan sit on an email for 18 months that could potentially bring down the Salmond pack of cards and lead us to salvation under the leadership of public schoolboys Iain Grey and Richard Baker?

Mr McTernan was the SpAd that Tony Blair sent North to sort out Jack McConnell and the Holyrood election of 2007. He insists his interpretation of a telephone conversation, he didn't listen to, is the truth.

Here's the actual email from McTernan...

This email makes for fascinating reading for a number of reasons, particularly as it gives us a glimpse into the many tentacles that  Labour have throughout the UK. It offers road signs to how hand-in-glove Labour have been in UK Government and how obsessed they are with stopping the SNP. Labour, that once proud progressive party's have been left behind by the SNP who simply rediscovered the popularity of essentially social democratic policies. The past four years have seen this minority government carefully tease legislation through Parliament that will simply benefit people who live in Scotland. Socially responsible ideas like ending prescription charges, free school meals, opposing Trident, reviewing PFI, abolishing the graduate endowment, curbing right-to-buy. These are all policies that the Labour party of the past would have  fought tooth and nail to introduce, but they didn't, simply because they are bound by their, increasingly questionable loyalty to Westminster...

The email is addressed to Mark Davies, Jack Straw's special adviser, now communications director for mental health charity 'Rethink'.

Mr Davies was Jack Straw's SpAd for 5 years, he's the bespectacled chap lurking behind anthrax Jack, formerly a hack with the BBC and CNN. His time at the BBC was time well spent, with more than a nod to his future career when he was the BBC's online Political editor...


Moving on, the more observant of you will notice that the email is cc'd to Scotland Office SpAd and all round Cockernee geezer, Tom Greatrex, now MP for Rutherglen. Mr Greatrex was one of the fresh cheeked Labour faces who replaced those Scottish MP's most likely to end up doing a Devine at HMP. Greatrex replaced millionaire pub landowner Baron Tommy MacAvoy as MP for Rutherglen. One of the English papers got involved in the murky underworld of Glasgow politics and exposed the fact that Baron Tommy's pub, the County Inn, in Rutherglen was in debt to the tune of £400,000 to an unnamed financial institution of the knee breaking shark variety. 

Further 'revelations' showed that Baron McAvoy, liked to keep it all in the family, with his wife and son on his Westminster payroll, whilst other son was given the onerous task of running the above pub...Baron Tommy drew great succour from Labour benefactor Rutherglen Fridge magnate, Willie Haughey who takes us down another well trodden path ending up at Gakgate and Steven Purcell's downfall. 

However, I digress as per norm, Baron MacAvoy is such a  compelling character. Mr Greatrex is just the most stunning example of how patronage can take a young Labourite far in this democracy. Fresh from University, he starts out as  researcher to Donald Dewar, two years of that, then voila propelled into a top job with the GMB, five years of that prepared him for a role as a chief officer at East Dunbartonshire Council, bing bong, couple of years pass he's and now director of Corporate affairs at NHS 24 for a couple of months before returning to his first love, working as a SpAd for a succession of Secretaries for the State of Scotland, Alexander, Browne and finally Murphy. It's impressive stuff, he's obviously a driven young feller, intent on making it to the top. 

One can only wonder what sort of line, Messrs McTernan & Greatarex spun to their chumrades in the Scottish Unionist media at the time, coming a mere week after Prof Robert Black QC visited Megrahi in Greenock and declared him an innocent man. 

The McTernan email is dated 9th November 2007, the following month the estimable Lucy Adams of the Herald, one of the Scottish journos who has actually done a good job on covering Megrahi, revealed that Straw still wanted to INCLUDE Megrahi in the PTA.
Ms Adams quoted an unnamed Scotland Office source, who gave a variety of excuses as to why Megrahi should be included in the PTA including the point stretching,
 
"The reason Mr Straw is moving ahead now is that we have Libyan prisoners in English jails who we feel should be serving their sentence back in Libya."

To the bones of the email, it's Mr McTernan's contention that Justice Secretary Kenny MacAskill wanted to do a 'deal'. That deal being, let the Scottish parliament legislate on the potential banning of airguns, timebar the ECHR payments on slopping out to prisoners in the Scottish penal system and he would gladly open the doors of Greenock prison to allow Megrahi to attend the North African Ladies Beach Volleyball competition...

 

Yet, how can this be? As the Scottish Government within the last hour have released the documentation relating to Messrs MacAskill and Straw's conversation as enscripted by Scottish Civil Servants.

In among the various bullet points, the issue of the Prisoner Transfer Agreement is brought up as the conversation closes.


10. Mr Straw also referred to the forthcoming second round of negotiations over the Libvan 'PTA.. He acknowledged the sensitivity of the subject, given its earlier history. Mr MacAskill said that the Scottish Government had already set out its position on that. He mentioned also that he was aware of the proposals to negotiate a similar PTA with Vietnam,. and that he had no difficulty with that proposal. No actions arise ...

Mr MacAskill, said "The Scottish Government had already set out its position on that." Now in what Labour rose tinted world does Mr McTernan manage to misconstrue that as a desire to do a 'deal'. 

What's obvious from the notes is that there were five people involved in this telephone conversation. MacAskill and Straw spoke, whilst Straw's PS Darren Tierney listened in as did MacAskill's. The fifth person was Ken Thomson, a lifelong Civil Servant and Director of Civil and International Justice for the Scottish Government.

According to the McTernan note this leaves one with the impression that the 'officials' that Mr McTernan heard about this alleged 'deal' from were either Mr Straw himself or his PS, unless he's suggesting that MacAskill, his PS or Ken Thomson got on the blower to let him imagine a deal for Megrahi.

It's interesting that when Blair visited Libya just a matter of a few days before handing his Premiership into the safekeeping of Gordon Brown in 2007 the Herald: commented thus,

Downing Street yesterday reiterated its claim that the memorandum of understanding had nothing to do with Megrahi. The Prime Minister's spokesman said: "We don't regard it as covering Megrahi - and we made this very clear during the talks in Libya."  

Mr McTernan, dismisses, the question of legislating air rifle control to Holyrood, with the fantastically brief, 

"Jacqui, is utterly opposed to movement." 

Now I'm sure that Miss Jacqui's opposition to movement had nothing to do with the dear ladies husband and his pay-per-view self pleasuring moments. The statement does however, give a perfect example of the Labour hierarchy group think as of 2007, give the Scottish Governement absolutely nothing.

The last paragraph of McTernan's email is worth reproducing.

"On Somerville, our law officer (Advocate General)  believes that Scottish Ministers are having a laugh. They could have ended slopping out by building private prisons but didn't have the courage. They knew they would lose and knew it would cost them And having lost, they want legislation to prevent this from happening in the future. They lost fair and square-the solution for them is not to screw up again in the future."

Now the Avocate General, McTernan is referring to here, is none other than Labour placeman, Neil Davidson QC, the man who went out of his way to stop Megrahi's lawyers accesing trial productions, sought to overturn previous appeal court decisions on the appeals scope and was instrumental in arguing the Labour governments claim for public interest immunity for legal documents which had been in the Crown's hands for more than a dozen years. Neil Davidson or rather Baron Davidson of Glen Cova as he's known these days, can be found sitting alongside his ermine chums on the Labour benches in the House of Lords...

I'm afraid that in the above paragraph, McTernan is confused, he seems to think that SNP Government Ministers are responsible for the Somerville mess, neglecting to remember that at this point the SNP had been in power at Holyrood for a mere six months and were endeavouring to mop up the mess the previous Labour-Liberal Democrat coalition had left behind.  He is thinking of them and their lack of 'balls' for failing to indulge in private prisons. To me that gives a great insight to McTernan's dealings with the Labour party in Scotland, he viewed them as hapless geldings incapable of standing up for themselves in Scotland. He also fails to recognise that they had already built Kilmarnock private prison and the previous December had signed off on Addiewell private prison. 

It strikes, me as ironic that McTernan sends this email to Mark Davies for the attention of Jack Straw, the same man who said this in opposition.

Doh, that'll be a broken promise I suppose.

I have to admit I'm intrigued by Mr McTernan, he's more than the 'are you a fucking horse' character Jamie, the second in command to Malcolm Tucker's Campbell from 'The Thick Of It'.

In my mind he's positively fucking Machiavellian. Sent North by his old boss Blair to tell the uppity Jocks how to get themselves elected again, pissed off the entire Labour campaign team, ridiculed Lord Jack McConnell to such an extent that he probably dribbles a bit of wee whenever he hears McTernan's name. Turned the previously Labour loyal Sunday Herald into dropping support in April 2007.

" But it is not just that cataclysmic error that has eroded our belief in the Labour Party. Its election campaign has been unremittingly negative. While we are not yet wholly convinced of the merits of independence, we are certain that Scots have the innate ability to run their own affairs if they choose to do so. That is the nature of democracy. The dire warnings from the Labour "big guns", parachuted in from Westminster, were patronising when they were not downright insulting. It is never a good idea to bully people, and some of the warnings issued by the Labour hierarchy have been not only foolish but risible - such as the suggestion that a referendum would lead somehow to the splitting up of families."


He's just the most amazing piece of work, I sort of want to poke him with a stick and see what reaction I get. Ousted from office, he washes up on the shores of 'The Scotsman' as a columnist, where there's no need to identify him as  a spin master for the Labour party of long standing.

He also blogs for that bastion of Toryism, The Telegraph, although I note the Gruniad don't seem to have kept him on... he tweets porkies of enormous dimensions to his near 2,500 tweeting followers. He probably despises the SNP due to his close involvement in the Cash for Honours scandals, where his testimony led to the arrests of two other members of Blair's inner circle, his chief fundraiser Lord Levy and head of Government relations Ruth Turner, on suspicion of perverting the course of justice. But hey, let bygones be bygone. He's paid for his opinions and thoughts on policies, he has taken on the role of sage for three Labour Secretaries for the State of Scotland and two of their parties Holyrood leaders. His opinions are followed by the rank and file, he can do no wrong. Except, yesterday, when he first denied leaking the above email,  then used the content to claim his imaginings were a matter of public record and truth.

Mr McTernan is obviously solidly behind Iain Gray, as his recent recipe for electoral success for Labour shows:

After losing power in 2007 - because of a toxic mix of a stale government, a deeply unpopular party and a confident, resurgent SNP - Scottish Labour was in denial. Refusing to accept defeat, unwilling to listen to the voters, arrogant and out of touch. The nadir was the Glasgow East by-election; the second safest seat in Scotland snatched by the SNP. The political narrative became one of the inevitable triumph of the nationalist cause.

Revival, under Jim Murphy as Scottish secretary and Iain Gray as leader in the Scottish parliament, had three main elements. First, humility and open acknowledgement of the defeat the voters had imposed. Second, a willingness to embrace what the voters wanted, including working in the national interest where necessary. Third, a greater sense of Scottishness, acknowledging, in Murphy's words, that all nationalists are patriots, but not all patriots are nationalists. The results were first seen in the Glasgow North East by-election. This was followed by the three per cent swing to Labour in May last year.


Am I alone in failing to remember either Jim Murphy or Iain Gray dropping to their knees at any time in the past four years and acknowledging that Scottish Labour had laid a turd in the ballot box? Where is the evidence that they've embraced what the voters want? As to his third ingredient for success, I'll presume that was a stretch of his imagination, much like the Labour man's email that was leaked to a Tory blog to defect criticism of a lying, manipulative, hypocritical Labour party.  Shame on you Mr McTernan, shame. 

Crotch Deep Trash

This past year has been quite an odd one for me and my family. It's quite a strange sensation to wake up one day and find your own little world has a range of differing reactions to you. Meeting people in town is often awkward for those that only know me from the periphery, there's an almost hesitant approach to asking what I've been up to. It's almost as if they see me as the ten year old bad boy who got caught peeing in the headmasters kettle (Sorry Mr Hunter it was only the two times). Most of the last year I've been fairly relaxed about my life. I get involved in things I'm interested in or passionate about, I do a bit of meddling, endeavours continue and we, like most other people, just pootle on. 

However, the last couple of weeks have found me ever so slightly on edge, as an anniversary approached and passed. January 21st 2010 was the day that Lothian & Borders finest, DS Willie Falconer and DC Lynsay Thomson braved the frozen climes of rural Dumfriesshire to invite me to Dumfries Police station for an interview regarding possible charges of 'blackmail'. The end result was a charge of Breach of the Peace. At the time I said something along the lines of, 'it's a non charge, the PF will probably wait a year and drop it.' Periodically through the year I've asked chums of a constabular and legal bent as to the best approach. They considered that I was best off delaying any enquiry, lest I piss off the powers that really be. I opted to let it run as long as possible, the assumption being that there was some sort of statute of limitations, as we see all too often on American crime dramas. Seems not.

Last Wednesday, watching the Scottish media and the twitteratti whip themselves into writhing orgiastic fervour over the fact that a bloke who lied about shagging was going to jail for three years. I decided to bite the bullet, to avoid the possibility of biting the pillow. I contacted the Procurator Fiscal to determine whether I was to be prosecuted and faced the possibility of meeting Thomas Sheridan. esq in the pokey. Armed with my very own special crime number, I called the PF's telephone number. Going by the diction of the call operators I'd surmise that the PF's call centre is located in Drumchapel, Govan or Easterhouse, probably quite sensible really given the number of cases that emanate from those burbs. That'll be the flip side of job creation...

Anyhoo, after several attempts I got through to the pleasant and ever so slightly gruff Maggie, (I'm guessing three packs of Capstan full strength a day) who after a couple of minutes battering a keyboard told me, that the PF had decided not to proceed. Whoo agus hoo, Marky boy is not going to the pokey anytime soon. Elated at this news, I asked Maggie, when the decision not to proceed had been taken. Several seconds of keyboard bashing later and she informed me the decision was taken on August 10th 2010. That would be five and half months ago. It transpires that the the PF do not bother to contact you, they just let you sit in a fetid puddle of your own wee till you can't take it any longer and break for cover.


Genuine friends and family were delighted to hear this, there's been a sort of resigned sigh that life can go on and any memories I have of working in Scottish political life can now be consigned to the file marked, 'Wish I Hadn't Fucking Bothered'.


Saying that, I was a wee bit miffed last night after meeting a chum and was in the process of giving him the latest update, only for him to interrupt me and tell me the conclusion of my tale. "For why do you know that?" I enquired. "Oh", he replied, "Madame Beachball told me about it, not that long ago." Now due to legal codicils that allowed me to receive a dod of largesse, I'm not allowed to mention the identity of Madame Beachball. Suffice it to say I'm somewhat peeved that someone who has nothing to do with this case knows about the outcome before I do. I may have to do an FOI of the PF's office to discover why they felt they could hand that information out so freely...possibly even to people in the Scottish Parliament...


Regular visitors will have noticed my need to blawg has become much less frequent of late. Truth be told it's getting to the stage where it's as rare as Jackie Bird lifting up the Nation with a good news story on Reporting Scotland. My reasons for this are manifest, but mainly boil down to the school of I can't be arsed, and if I'm brutally honest, there's not a hell of a lot to write about that hasn't got a hundred other folks shouting 'Me Me Me, read what I've got to say about the latest intracies of the implications of...' etcetera. So in the run up to the much anticipated AV referendum oh and that wee election, the cheesey blog will probably be making like a Sloth on a spacehopper and bouncing slowly off in another direction...

In the meantime here's a little ditty from the Jaques Brel's of Bellshill, the Soup Dragons that sums up how I now feel.




 

PFI: To pay or not to pay?

Recently I had to make a trip to the local vet to help our poor pussycat Jaffa, yes for the curious among you, he too, like the eponymous orange, is also seedless. The sad mog was constipated and had a compacted one and half pound turd blocking up his bunghole. One deftly administered enema from an overly friendly glove wearing vet and a doxe of cat laxative paste later and he's shitting like a pedigree pooper. So far so icky, the reason I open with this particular scatalogical gambit is that whilst waiting for the vet to probe the cats innards, I met a recently retired former chief executive of a local authority not a million miles from where I live, who was visiting to get his pit bulls nails clipped. 

Having met him professionally on and off over the last dozen or so years, pleasantries were exchanged and mutual friends asked after, all over the cacophany of mewling, barking, squawking and soon to be shitting. Conversation in these instances usually runs dry and before you know it you're discussing weather and holiday destinations. So being a fully signed up member of the awkward bugger squad, I brought up the question of PFI and the local authorities slavish devotion to it during his tenure. Thinking that in his golden years he might be less circumspect in his answers, I mentioned some farcical examples of cost, poor service, delays and the fact that the councils PFI debt was the target for specialist PFI companies keen on the profits that can be garnered from the PFI subordinated debts, Cf passim. These work out at some £20 million per year for the next 31 years, until 2041/42...

Lo and behold there was a grudging acceptance from my fellow vet visitor that PFI had not been the most cost effective method of building or renovating the crumbling schools or leisure centre. In his defence, he uttered the immortal line, 'PFI was the only game in town and there was a lot of pressure from Holyrood to use it'.  

Chummy left his job in 2008, he'd been chief exec through most of devolution and was referring to a Holyrood under the Labour-Liberal Democrat coalition. In rebuttal I mentioned that the local authority, unlike the Scottish Government actually has legislative powers to borrow, an avenue deemed particularly sensible for capital costs, when interest rates are considerably lower than PFI interest rates...His demeanour suggested a lack of choice. 


This aspect of  'the only game in town' makes sense, when you look at the article in today's Guardian which pans Westminster Labour under the headline,  Labour government 'ignored cheaper alternatives to PFI'

The headline comes courtesy of the Westminster public accounts committee report which has scrutinised the use of PFI schemes in Englandshire by the Department for Communities and Local Government to provide housing and by the Department of Health to provide hospital support services.

In a quite spectacular display of dribbling amnesia, Margaret Hodge, the Egyptian born multi-millionairess (estimated wealth £50million), former Price Waterhouse senior consultant and commonly regarded as the original architect of PFI, Labour MP  oh and chair of the public accounts committee said: 

" Local authorities and health trusts used PFI because there was no realistic alternative, not because it represented best value for money."
  
" The use of PFI and its alternatives should now be robustly evaluated. Looking back at PFI procurements, the government should also do more to find out where and why PFI works best and capture the lessons. Departments should also do more to ensure they get the best out of existing PFI contracts.

" By bundling together large numbers of PFI projects, private sector investors may use the consequent economies of scale to drive up the value of their interests and generate bigger profits. We are concerned that the benefits arising from these economies of scale are not being shared by the taxpayer.

" At a time when public finances are so tight, government must use the weight of its buying power to negotiate with major PFI investors and contractors a better deal for the taxpayer."

All of which beggars the motherflipping question, what the shitting crikey were Margaret and her Labour cronies doing about it for the 13 long years they were in power?



The  vested interests were given a say, which drew the frankly terrifying response:


'The report drew a sharp response from business leaders, who warned against ministers trying to renegotiate contracts to get a better deal for taxpayers, suggesting that with constrained public finances, the role of PFI could become even more important.'

So in essence, they're saying 'shut up serfs, we are your masters and we will continue to shaft you as much as we want.' 

It's nigh on impossible to see a way out of PFI. Were the Scottish government to start by ripping up contracts, you can see the poor beleaguered banks and corporations being supported by the three Tory parties in Holyrood. I've no doubt when the likes of simpleton Andy Kerr (a former primary school classmate of mine) scrawled his big X on the legal parchments the Banks legal vultures must have guffawed under their powdered wigs at his naivety.

What gives me the twisted brain-wrong of a one-off man-mental is the conundrum, that since we bailed out the banks and we now are the majority shareholders in them we continue to pay those very same banks the PFI interest rates that are crippling our councils. Why? I mean really, WHY? Can anyone tell me why we can't legislate to stop paying these debts?


Hopefully, if the SNP are returned to power in May, we might see some sort of scrutinising committee take a proper look at PFI and the financial scams and trickery the Labour and Lib Dems signed us up to...Although finding an honest chairperson from Labour, Tory or Lib Dems after witnessing theWendy in action this week is as likely as me training Jaffa to flush after pooping...



PS last weeks post on TIME magazine has had the best part of 4000 readers, a few left comments. If anyone wants to comment or even defend PFI please get typing.